One day you’ll find someone who makes you wanna stay in one place…
I heard this quote in a sappy Christmas movie I was watching the other day. Yes, way after Christmas… I was home sick on the couch, bored with my entire existence and this quote fell into my lap. How could I not write about it? So the woman in the movie was a roamer, a fellow traveller, a travel writer actually. She was in her 30s and people around her were quite concerned about why she hadn’t settled down. Yet. Because there was no doubt she eventually would…
Kind of like my life, I guess. Minus the travel writing… and plus the odd years…
Travelling was her passion, she didn’t want to stay put somewhere, she wanted to explore. Yes, like me. And yet – the above quote comes raining in from all over the place – from all random people in your life to all near and dear to you. Even though they claim to understand that travel is your passion – they can’t really wrap their minds around it because they expect the above quote to always become a reality. Anyday, now.
So, anyway I did that. I settled down. A couple of times, actually, only to, when the relationship was over, find I was even more lost than before because I had actually sacrificed the one thing that was actually ME – travelling. One of the guys demanded I’d stop travelling, while the other 2 didn’t really, but I kind of felt it was expected of me. That was of course my own fault, sacrificing something nobody even asked for. But we all have different paths to trod down here on earth, and it can often be hard to stumble along the unpaved road, the one that is just yours. I think that was where the major issue was…
to accept my own path, so, well it took some time.
Or well, it wasn’t that I didn’t fully accept it, I never wanted a “normal” life working 9-5 with a husband and children and whatever, so I knew early, but I just didn’t have enough guts to start walking the path meant only for me.
Not to 100% anyway…
Ever since I was a kid I knew I needed to travel, I didn’t fully understand it, it was just this deep longing from within, longing for something else, something different than what was surrounding me. A longing for the unknown. Before I started travelling I dreamt of different cultures, languages, and other worlds. There was no end to my imagination and my wishing I was born somewhere else. I didn’t really understand at that time I was born in the best possible country for this lifetime.
Sweden is indeed a privileged country when it comes to travelling.
Growing up, random people kept throwing fears at me; like it might be a lonely and dark road further down, and that day when I might regret never settling down, having those kids might come sooner than I thought. I might feel lonely… I might, I might, I might… Well, it’s impossible to safeguard for everything. Yes, I might regret not having any children, but well, I also might regret not following my dreams.
Life is supposed to be an adventure, right? It’s not supposed to be a given. Life is about choosing your own path, but sure you could go on autopilot, and take the high road. It might work out, you might survive. I’ve certainly proven to myself over and over I could walk someone else’s path completely clueless, but the price was too high – my soul just kept on dying.
So, my passion is travelling. And while this might sound ridiculous to some, if you bare with me, I’ll give you something most can relate to.
Say, for instance, that your dream is becoming a doctor, and start a family of your own. These are dreams most people can relate to, I think. So, imagine these two things being what you live for. You meet this guy, you hit it off. He wants to work in Dubai, that is his dream. You cave in. You can always study to become a doctor later, right? You move with him to Dubai. At first, it’s great, and you are happy in love. You talk about children. Turns out he doesn’t want them. No children!
And you love the guy so you cave again. You convince yourself that being with him is enough, he is all you need.
So, you wait with that above quote, which everybody knows is just true, on constant replay in your head! A few years go by. You never go back to school, the doctor plans are hidden away, deep inside of you, along with the children you never had. Sometimes you ponder about your life, how different it all could’ve been. The mere thought of children pains you.
You’re getting older, and your man still doesn’t want kids. That’s so odd, because everyone told you not to worry; he’d change. He’d mature…
So here you are – your dreams never happened. And your relationship crashes – he leaves you, you leave him – whatever, that is not the point. You were never truly you in the relationship, and it finally broke, so now you’re on your own again.
And your dreams return. What if…
You realise you’ve spent way too much time living someone else’s dream – you sacrificed your soul, your passion, and your dreams for someone else. That is a false life. That is not the life you came here to live!
You have to start over, and hopefully you realise you have to go after your dreams before it’s too late.
This is where I’m at, this is what I’m doing.
My dream is to travel the world – to see everything. It has always been my dream. I have never felt I belonged in one singular place, never really had a place my heart called home. I had this insane dream as a kid – I wanted to become a gypsy – their lifestyle fascinated me. To be able to up and go whenever and wherever…
If that wasn’t magic I didn’t know what was…
But, needless to say, I never became one, at least not in the most traditional sense, like I never became part of the Romani people; my soul however is a gypsy soul with the need to roam. That is how I was born, why I came here.
Also, my mental health was never worse as during those times I conformed to a life that wasn’t really me.
And I cannot even count the insane amount of times I’ve heard my parents tell me: ”Well you just haven’t met the right one yet, but you will, and then you can settle down.” Well, I have met the right one. I’ve, in fact, met several right ones, but they were only right for that particular journey in my life, for that particular lesson. Then we both needed to move on, we needed to evolve on our own.
And there’s this last thing bothering me about this mindset: WHY am I expected to throw all my dreams aside just because I fall in love? Even if it is Mr Right? No, that is just silliness… THAT is not why I’m here! I AM here to live MY life and MY dreams… Why are you here?
Are you living a life according to your soul? Have you sacrificed your dreams because you met the one and this one wanted something different than you did? Please share in the comments below.
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