Ponderings: being an empath…

Being an empath has hurt me so many times. Ever since I was a child I’ve had to shut down for long periods, just because I couldn’t deal with all the emotions around me. I didn’t understand them at all. It wasn’t until recently, I started to feel this empath business is actually a power and not a weakness. It’s my superpower.

When I was younger, I had no idea what was going on… How I wish someone would’ve explained…

So, what is an empath? And why has it hurt me, and why does it continue to hurt me, still? An empath is someone who feels other people’s emotions, senses their energies, someone who tunes into their vibes, so to speak. Even though I’m sensitive to the vibes in any room, I particularly tune into the people closest to me. And especially men, and relationships/situationships/whateverships…

I can be sitting at home and suddenly feel this immense anger rushing over me, not knowing where it came from. Only to have my partner calling me a second later in complete agony with anger and frustration. Even though he’s not even in close proximity, I feel his rage as if it were my own because of our connection… no matter how far apart… At times this can be really hard because if you don’t have 100% control over your own feelings you don’t really know what you’re feeling, and why.

It’s not really magic, and trying to explain it makes me feel like a weirdo…

When involved with someone, my empath side knows their deepest feelings, their wishes, their wants, and their needs. Better than they know themselves. I’m not always in balance, so I can pick up all of these emotions, and even when I do, I don’t always listen or pay attention, so I’m not trying to make it out like I’m the perfect girlfriend or anything here… But this is basically what it’s like.

The only thing I failed to realise – every time – is that it really doesn’t matter what their emotions are. “My guy” can love the hell out of me, but if he’s not ready to admit those emotions, and not even to himself, he won’t. Ever.

If he’s not ready to deal, his feelings are irrelevant.

It wasn’t until last year that I started accepting that everyone reacts differently to emotions. While I will always be true to my emotions and act on them, others will not. And therein lies the problem. I get burned because, well, I know he loves me, I know he cares, and I can neither accept nor understand why he keeps running.

Well one might think I, for one, would understand, since I’ve spent most of my life running from my own (and other people’s) feelings, but this minor detail has not really fallen into place until recently.

Some people actually fear their emotions so much so, that they run from them. And they run like hell…

I mentioned above that being an empath is my superpower, yes, but it is also a curse. Right, wouldn’t it be cool to be able to know exactly what your loved one is feeling? Without them having to tell you? Telepathy at its best. Well, the answer is almost always “no”. I can hug someone and feel his love for me, and no, I’m not talking about feeling him in his pants, I’m talking about his heart.

I feel his soul, his energy, I look into his eyes, and I just know…

And to love someone; knowing, feeling all that, but still having to respect he’s off limits because he chooses to listen to his head, instead of his heart – that hurts. That hurts even more than if I hadn’t been aware of the feelings at all. Without that knowledge, I could’ve easily been misled, just seeing his well-planned actions, all custom tailored to make me think he didn’t care. Being clueless would’ve hurt a lot less – because you can’t help what you feel, right?

I could’ve easily moved on… instead of being stuck in limbo unable to let go…

And knowing there is so much love between the two of you, while he still refuses you, that is some weird kind of hell, right there… and while hurting, the temptation of being numb is almost irresistible. Oh, how I would love to just turn it off! Go full-on vamp – switching off the humanity! But yeah, sure – I know being an empath is my humanity! And I know deep down being numb is not the answer, but sometimes, how I would love to never switch that shit back on again…

 

 

 

Are you an empath?  How do you feel about being an empath? What are your best survival skills? Leave a comment below on how you cope when the emotions are overwhelming you.

 

 

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