10 tips for your flight?

There’s no better way to travel than on an aeroplane. At least not in my world. I love flying! Sitting there just relaxing on a flight, watching a movie (or 10!), listen to a book, reading a book, impatiently waiting for some food to get served in those tiny cute miniature boxes. You never believe the food will be enough, and it always ends with you being far too full.

A flight can however be quite rough, depending on what’s going on around you, and depending on how much you let it affect you.

Thus I have made a list of 10 tips for your flight… just to make everything simpler. For everyone involved!

The worst flight of my entire life was without a doubt when smoking was allowed. Yep, that did happen! We were on our way to Cyprus to celebrate my mom’s 40th birthday, and back in the day, everyone in my family smoked – except me. Since smokers are usually full-blooded egocentric people there was no doubt where we would sit!

 “Why? In the smoking section, of course!”

Apparantly one needs to sit with the rest of the family. Not up for debate! In the smoking section too – not up for debate! I have no idea why I as this young arrogant teenager didn’t switch places, but whatever happened I ended up next to an older gentleman smoking cigars, and when I say cigars I mean cigars – in plural!

He was chain-smoking cigars more or less the entire flight.

My eyes were hurting, tears running down my cheeks and I had difficulty breathing. I still remember to this day how I was hiding underneath my sweater and a blanket in an attempt to get away from the smoke, which was completely pointless, of course.

I’ve always felt kind of fascinated by people and how they actually behave during flights. I’m an introvert, obviously, and there are few things in life I dislike more than idle chit chat. And chit chating with strangers? No, just no!

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude here, it’s just the way I am.

Since I have a hard time being rude, too, I always end up just sitting there, nodding and trying to be friendly, listening to a whole heap of nonsense about all or nothing, feeling the anxiety creeping up on me. Every time I’m setting foot on a flight I get scared the person next to me will start talking. And never stop. That would be… well, at least horrible…

But there’s other stuff you can do during a flight (apart from talking people to death), which would be really annoying for everyone involved…

So that’s why I composed this list of 10 tips for you so that next time you’re up in the air you can avoid being rude, without knowing it. The list came from pure frustration since I’ve lived through it all – some of it several times, but I hope you can also see the irony in my tips… 😉 Don’t be so serious…

10 simple tips for the flight is a guide on how to behave with decency on your next flight! I have also included some random images of me in completely random planes, that have nothing to do with the tips. Just to be random.

So everything is random and incoherent – as always! ENJOY!

10 tips for the flight

#NO 1

PLEASE, brush your teeth before getting on the flight! If you don’t get to it just before, then make sure it’s at least hasn’t been more than 24 hours since the last time. It’s appreciated if you keep a relatively fresh hygiene overall…

Meaning… don’t smell like a skunk, either from your mouth or anywhere else!

#NO 2

Don’t pour red wine down your throat as if it were the last drink in the universe! If you don’t want to avoid this drink by the simple fact that drunk people are extremely annoying, then how about the reason that you will smell even worse? Or that you might sleep with your mouth open, blowing disgustingness on people around you when you’re drunk? Pretty disgusting come to think of it!

Are you drinking because you’re afraid of flying?

Hmm, ok, well tough one. I don’t want to seem arrogant here, but there are other ways of dealing with your fear… like taking a chill pill (guaranteed smelly-free)… or NOT flying (guaranteed anxiety-free!)… both alternatives are better for your neighbour than alcohol!). And to be quite honest – a chill pill or wine – both are drugs, so don’t even…

#NO 3

If your neighbour in a clear (or introvert-clear) way shows disinterest in keeping up some kind of social interaction, please show respect! Don’t go on rambling nonsense, or asking stupid questions like: “Are they showing any good movies today?” Everyone has their own monitor these days (most scheduled flights anyway), so it can’t be that difficult finding out for yourself – on your own monitor!

Please don’t lean over on my shoulder to look at my monitor!

#NO 4

Don’t fall asleep drooling on your neighbour, and this includes leaning on their shoulders, arms or another random body part. They probably belong to someone else! If you’re unsure just pinch ever so softly in the body part you’re seeing. Did you feel it? Oh no? Then it’s probably not yours!

Stay away!

#NO 5

This goes with no 4. Don’t impose on your neighbour’s area; you have probably paid the same amount for this trip, so why should you be entitled to more space? It’s extremely uncomfortable having to sit with a crooked back for x amount of hours simply because you feel you are the bigger and “better” one! It will also be problematic for your neighbour when the food arrives have you already taken up their seat as well!

Should your neighbour timidly try to get more space, pay attention!

#NO 6

Don’t drown yourself in perfume. No, by the way, don’t wear ANY perfume. At all. When you suffer from migraines (or allergies) it is most horrible being locked up in this cramped tiny area with someone who doesn’t seem to know when “Enough is enough”.

Or someone who for that matter is using perfumes that should have been banned long ago!

#NO 7

Do not bring fragile flower arrangements, if you don’t have the intention of sacrificing your own comfort! Do not raise insane demands from the person in front of you, like forcing her to sit straight up during the long flight, to protect YOUR plant! And don’t claim: “That’s not a problem! You can sit up straight! No problem.” And – no, don’t go there – you can’t put the plant in your lap because that would be uncomfortable! For you!

Oh, no, you didn’t!

If you’ve brought fragile stuff aboard be prepared to sacrifice your own comfort! Don’t throw outrageous demands around you!

#NO 8

Burping, vomiting, farting – no, thanks – please not all! I’m not being a prude here, but it’s rather unpleasant in such a small space as an aircraft. I can see how it sometimes can be unavoidable, I’ve surely farted in silence, I think, I don’t know, probably, but seriously? There are toilets for this!

After all, we are no Neanderthals anymore. At least I don’t think so…

#NO 9

Don’t poke your nose and don’t put boggers anywhere around you!

Yet again – there are toilets!

#NO 10

Finally! Please be still! For crying out loud, it’s not a marathon, it’s a flight! This includes pulling or pushing/hammering on the back of your neighbour’s chair – incredibly annoying for anyone!

Be still, or I will throw you out!

So, there you are, MY 10 basic tips 😉 – a small hint on how to behave on board a flight! I have lived through them all above flying coach, which is one of the reasons I rarely fly coach anymore.

The mere thought of cramming myself into an economy class chair makes my skin crawl. The extra space which is provided in business class is well worth the money – in my opinion. If everything would’ve been like during the ’90s flying AeroFlot in half empty aircrafts – now that would be completely different. It was possible to move and lie down wherever you liked, but now? No, whenever I can I fly business so I can pretend I’m almost alone on the flight. Preferebly. 🙂

 

Have you experienced strange things on flights? Did I forget something, please leave a comment! I can imagine this is a subject most people have opinions about.